blogxiety.

I was about to put all of this on facebook or twitter, but then I realized: I need more than 140 characters to say this. And, wouldn’tcha know it? I have a blog.

So, I’ve been weening myself off of zoloft for the past month or so. I’ve been on 50mg, but I split them in half and began taking half-a-pill every day for the past month. I started taking one every-other day, and on friday, I started feeling feverish and lightheaded. I thought, since everyone else was getting sick, that I had what they had.

But then I got these weird brain zap things, and this weird feeling of confusion. I started forgetting really easy things [algebra, geometry, etc.] and I started getting really emotional watching Grey’s Anatomy — and, believe me, the writing isn’t THAT good.

I started becomming disinterested in math. I started reading about k-theory, and I thought to myself, “Who cares about sheaves?”

WHO CARES ABOUT SHEAVES!? I CARE ABOUT SHEAVES. Or, so I thought.

So, here I am. Freezing, then sweating, then freezing; I can’t even remember things I did five minutes before. I am really nervous. I am really anxious. I’m pretty scared, I’m not gonna lie. Usually, life terrifies me, but this is something legit — so I’m sort of “extra scared”.

What’s worse is, I have no idea how to go about going to the hospital. I don’t know what my insurance covers. I don’t want to pay a billion dollars.

I read up on some messageboards that people have the same symptoms with ssri withdrawl after Tyloneol refused to work on my fevers. Some of them said it lasted up to three months; others say about a month. Everyone said that it was poorly understood and that their doctors just told them to get over it. I expect the experts at Jersey Shore Medical to think the same way.

I don’t feel like watching movies. I don’t feel like reading books. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel like I’m dying slowly, and I just want it to hurry the hell up. Goodness!

So what’s my plan. Well. I guess go to the doctor’s and get s’more zoloft. Maybe I’ll ween myself off of it slower next time. But it has only been three days. Maybe I’ll start feeling a little bit better soon.

But, goddamnit, I can’t wait that long. HOMOLOGY ISN’T GOING TO LEARN ITSELF.

Fuckin’ zoloft, man. It’s a machine that makes a need for itself, you know? At least it’s an ethos.