Alright, so, I haven’t updated in forever. So what.
I really haven’t done much. I’m stuck at my father’s house until such a time when I can afford to move into some kind of swanky apartment. Or regular apartment. Or someone’s crappy basement. Really, anything to get out of here.
Living with my father is like playing hide and seek constantly. My things are never where I leave them, and he is cleaning and moving things around constantly. I have no idea where any of my things are, ever. It gets confusing and annoying when I’m looking for my car keys and I’ve got 4 minutes until work starts.
I have a job now. Yes. My first official job. The neighborhood schools program I never count as a job because it was really just sort of me walking around and helping people in a school. It felt just like being a helpful kid who skips classes in low-income schools. I loved it. This new job, which I will simply call “my tutoring job” is at a local but fairly successful SAT and general tutoring place. Really, you have to be somewhat “in the money” to send your kids here — and my pay is pretty okay, to match. It really is a fun job, and I love doing it. It’s fantastic to see the “ah-ha” moments on those kids’ faces. I generally tutor SAT math, but so far all it’s been is Algebra and some factoring.
Two things that disappoint me about this job:
1. The hours. Yeah. I had something like 3 students this week, which amounts to 1.5 + 2 + 2 = 5.5 hours. Not very many. I may have to get another job just to be able to continue working at this job.
2. That I cannot tutor anything higher than Algebra II. Yeah. Conics and such. No calculus, ever. It’s really upsetting, since I think I might lose my edge if I keep focusing on little things. I’m trying to find people who need calculus help, though — I really don’t even care about the money. I just want to derive, damnit.
I’ve been learning Python via the ProjectEuler problems. I highly recommend them. So far, I’m not the BEST python programmer in the world, but I’m certainly not the worst. I’ve only been programming in it for about 3 or so weeks, but I feel like I’ve made huge leaps and bounds. For example, my first primality checking program took, no joke, about 12 seconds for a 9 digit number. My new primality checking program takes around 0.5 seconds for a 15 digit number. So I’m pret excited, but I know there’s always room for improvement. I’m kind of also excited because I really didn’t want to learn C, and python seems just-as-useful for what I need it for.
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. This is the “personal” part of my “personal” blog. I just get really antsy and upset when I think people are upset with me. I don’t really want to do anything but go back to school. Or hang out with new people. Or make new friends. I really enjoy my old friends, but it’s difficult making the transition from uchicago back home. Yes. I will be pretentious for a moment:
No one here gives a shit about any lofty culture-y shit. It’s really bringing me down, man.
I never bring up mathematics here, EVER. God forbid. I even learned econ in part so that I could discuss it with people around here. No go. The closest I get is those dbag tech boys who love jerking off to their iphones.
Sorry, guys. I didn’t mean that. Really.
I shouldn’t be so critical, but I just get so upset when I see my friends and people I know just sort of coasting along in their lives; it depresses me that I’ve now become one of them. I’m no longer an academic, I’m no longer a mathematician. I don’t even know if I could do it anymore; if you gave me a topology exam, I don’t know if I could pass. And that makes me really upset.
Basically, if I were 15 and this were livejournal, my “mood” would be “lonely” and “upset”.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on love-interests. There are none. At least in chicago there were girls my age. Where are the girls my age here? Elsewhere. I drove to the mall, and that was an achievement for me. I got short of breath and almost had to pull over. I don’t know why my body does this kind of thing to me.
Okay, enough of this personal crap. In less depressing news, I got two new awesome-ass suits, and I look fab in them. I get to dress up for work, which is SO MUCH FUN. It would be more fun if, you know, boys had all the fun stuff girls had, but. You know. I make do with what I have.
But really. I don’t know who reads this anymore. So, if you do, feel free to talk to me. The majority of the time I’m wallowing in my own tears and hunger for human contact. I really ought to get out of new jersey and make that long, desperate trek to Chicago.
