ah.

God-DAMN, what could be better than Lactaid Milk?

Oh, right.  Not being lactose intolerant.

Update on Life, Living, and LazyKingMonarchy.

Let me start with life:

My quality of life has improved.  For some reason, I keep having these things where I think my throat is closing up — but I looked it up, and apparently a lot of people with stress \ panic disorder get it.  The cure?  Don’t think about it.  Easy as pie.

It’s sort of annoying, since I wake up gasping sometimes.  Very scary.  But impossible for me to die from.  IMPOSSIBLE.

My panic has gotten better.  I think.  I don’t know, really, I haven’t been back to my day-to-day for a while, but I think it’s probably manageable now.   The zoloft is having less side-effects.  And all my other medication is nice, too.  Cool.

Now,  Living.  What the hell have I been doing over break?  Well, a whole lott’a nothing.

No, that’s not exactly true.  So, I started a reading project [lazykingmonarchy, it's a blog that's linked on the right side of this blog.] but I haven’t updated it in so long.  Really, it was because as soon as I started it, I started to panic like crazy and just couldn’t read all this stuff.

But there was another reason.  I couldn’t just *start* Sartre, because I had no idea what he was talking about.  I couldn’t just *start* Lacan, because I didn’t know the basics.  So, I needed to read through some of the seminars [well, I NEED to read through them...I have them, just haven't gotten around to it yet.] of Lacan, and I need to start from the beginning with Sartre.  A few people told me I should begin with Transcendence of the Ego, which I’m currently reading [it's like 100 pages.  short.], but in order to “get” that, I needed to read some crappy Husserl book [also about 100pgs, done with it].

Secretly, I wanted to begin reading Anti-Oedipus by the summer, but a lot of people noted that I ought to read some other stuff by Deleuze first.  Spinoza and Nietzsche [the books by Deleuze] are important, apparently, and a good introduction to Deleuze’s early style.  But, while I know a lot about Nietz, I know virtually nothing about Spinoza.  So, yeah, I had to go through Ethics.  Which was really fun, actually, ’cause it was like a math class — but I got tired half-way in and decided just to read summaries and watch Youtube lectures on Spinoza.  Next, Difference and Repetition, and The Logic of Sense by Deleuze.

A lot of referring to Kant, though, when I started reading Sartre.  I refuse to read Kant.

So, this is all sort of my side project.  My sort of “culturing myself” project.  In *real life*, though, I needed to start getting ready for maths.  So, I’m reading through Hatcher’s Algebraic Topology [which is...hard.] and the second half of Munkres [which is...boring.] to start getting ready for Algebraic Topology.  To get ready for Algebra, I just…kept reading in Dummit and Foote.  I’m not likin’ Modules over PIDs at all.  One bit.  AT ALL.

BUT.  I went through Field theory in a few different places, so I’m pretty set with the “big picture” and am fairly certain that I could do it confidently now.

My last class, Complex Analysis, I already took for 3 weeks once.  I’m going through Lang’s Complex Analysis, since it’s the only complex book I have that isn’t Rudin.  And I’m not going through Rudin.  So, we’ll see.

So why haven’t I been summing up all the stuff that I’ve ready for LazyKingMonarchy?  Well, I haven’t read *enough*, first, and I’m still on the prereqs for the books that I was trying to use as “introductions” to the main topics.  So I’m way far behind.  Second, I’ve been working on actually compiling my legit philosophy [which I've been unsuccessfully trying to do for a while] in a form which is readable, entertaining, and *has a point*.

This last part was really the hard part.  A lot of my philosophy was completely disjoint for a while.  It wasn’t really until Lazy King Monarchy [the concept] came around that I began being able to link most of it together.

By the end of this week, I expect to have a chunk of the manuscript done.

I don’t know what I’mma do with it.  But.  It’ll be done.

question for any hardxcore gamer.

What does level 1-3 look like in Super Mario Bros. for NES?

Anyone remember the “big world” in super mario bros 3?

good news, everyone.

1.  I made potroast.

2.  Whoever put that book trading station at ellis?  Genius.  I put in a bunch of my books and I got two books that I was in DESPERATE NEED of.  Well.  Maybe not desperate need.  But they were on my amazon wishlist.

3.  I got an A on my final psychoanalysis paper.  I’m not kidding.  Philosophy is the best.

or the worst.

Why do we value best above unbest?

what if this is as good as it gets?

For better or for worse, all my exams are done.  Let’s review how my classes went:

Psychoanalysis — Very interesting!  But, unfortunately, the reading was not heavily enforced and I read most of it before, anyhow.  The thing I learned?  Sublimation.  And a lot about Marcuse.

Final?  Eh.  It was an okay paper.  I don’t think it was the best thing I ever wrote, but it wasn’t terrible.

Analysis — I love this class.  No matter how dull it gets, it’s still fun to do.

The final was fine — I don’t remember anything too crazy on it.  Oh, there were some that I didn’t get, but, you know.  Whatever.

Topology — I hated this class.  I hated going to class.  I hated listening to the lectures.  The topic is kind of dull, even.  But the prof is very nice, and it was fun chatting with him in office hours.  He’s a much better helper than he is a lecturer — at least for topology.

Final: Possibly the most fun final I’ve ever had.  I actually left feeling good about it, even if I didn’t do well.  I think I did okay, though, since he gave us answers afterwards.  Whoo.  R^N disconnected.

Egyptian:  Worst class I’ve ever taken.

Final:  Doesn’t matter.  If I pass this class, I will be happy.  I would never, ever take a class like this again.  I hated this class.

I can’t really stress this enough.  I hate egyptian.

ugh.

Feels good to be done.  But — now what?

one down, three to go.

Psychoanalysis is done.  All I need to do is go to the library, print out this baby, turn it in, and forget everything I ever knew about psychoanalysis.

I’ve been on zoloft for something like 3 weeks?  Maybe 2 or so.  But I’ve been getting these little — I don’t know — episodes.  Sort of like, little bursts of energy where I get really excited and just sort of jump up and…I don’t know, be excited.  But then I go back to normal.  Very strange.

Monday.  Tuesday.  Wednesday.  Thursday.  That’s all until this quarter is over, and core is over forev’.  My plan is as follows:

Today, I’m going to read through algebra, go to office hours, read through it some more.  I’ll do the new problems, finish up with the linear algebra, and just be content.  I think I just need to read through it.  No biggie.  At the same time, though — or, more likely, after Algebra — I need to start doing topology.  I guess I’ll just read through everything and write down all the important stuff.  ugh.

Tuesday.  Finish topology.  Do Egyptian.  Yes.  All of it.  ALL of it.

Wednesday.  Fail my Algebra Final.  Then go over Topology and Egyptian once more.

Thursday.  Fail Egyptian.  Walk to Topology.  Fail Topology.  Drink.

Friday.

Saturday.

Sunday.

Monday.  Wake up.  Wonder where I am.  Drink more.

no, that’s it, I’m going to fail psychoanalysis.

I’ve been working on this damn paper all day, and I haven’t really gotten anywhere.

I just get so distracted.

I’m so jittery.

I tried to stop the ativan, since I heard it has some pretty nasty withdrawl effects.

I think it does have some pretty nasty withdrawl effects.

Anyhow, this paper is going to get an F, I guarentee it.

I just tried to argue that porn stars are alienated laborers.

ugh.

When did this switch?

When did this blog switch from being interactive to being a pity-party?

Let’s interact some, readers.

First, you don’t have a sore throat right now.  Enjoy it.  At some point, you’re going to get a sore throat and wish that you were sitting here and being you right now, sorethroat-less.  If you have a sore throat, I’m sorry.

Second, I have some pretty weird things that I like to do.  When I was little, I had two mattresses on my bed (this was before I was 7 years old– I still had a bed at this point) and I liked to crawl between them and go to sleep.  To this day, sometimes I lay down and pile blankets and pillows on top of myself.  I don’t know why I do it, I just get this very warm, fuzzy, and comfortable feeling.

What do you do?

Finals.

Okay, so, here’s where I stand.

Psychoanalysis — Gott’a just write the paper.  I will commit to it (a) tonight, (b) tomorrow, and (c) sunday.  It’s due monday.  Three days for twelve pages is not that much, really.

Egyptian — skim over everything.  This may be somewhat time consuming.  I am aiming for a passing grade.   This class has been one of the worst experiences in my life.

Algebra — I guess just skim over the previous study guides.  And the linear algebra.

Topology — Read through the book.  Read all the theorems.  This one might be a pain.

I’m still twitchy, but I think I can feel the zoloft working.  It feels like blood pouring in and out of my veins.

Chex Mix Bold — not as bold as you might expect it to be.

Xanax.

I don’t know why, but I always thought xanax would be a blue, oval pill.  but it looks just like any other pill.

Tomorrow will be my first day on Xanax, Atenolol, and Zoloft together.